Monday, June 22, 2009

Start of a new week, so here's some food for thought.

An Eschatological Laundry List

From If you Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him by Sheldon Kopp.

1. This is it!

2. There are no hidden meanings.

3. You can't get there from here, and besides there is no place else to go.

4. We are all already dying, and we will be dead for a long time.

5. Nothing lasts.

6. There is no way of getting all you want.

7. You can't have anything until you let go of it.

8. You only get to keep what you give away.

9. There is no particular reason why you lost out on some things.

10. The world is not necessarily just, being good often does not pay
off and there is no compensation for misfortune.

11. You have a responsibility to do your best nonetheless.

12. It is a random universe to which we bring meaning.

13. You don't really control anything.

14. You can't make anyone love you.

15. No one is any stronger or weaker than anyone else.

16. Everyone is, in their own way vulnerable.

17. There are no great people.

18. If you have a hero, look again; You have diminished yourself in some way.

19. Everyone lies, cheats & pretends.

20. All evil is potential vitality in need of transformation.

21. All of you is worth something, if you will only own it.

22. Progress is an illusion.

23. Evil can be displaced but never eradicated, as all solutions breed new problems.

24. Yet it is necessary to keep struggling toward solution.

25. Childhood is a nightmare.

26. But it is very hard to be an on-your-own, take-care-of-yourself-cause
there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown up.

27. Each of us is ultimately alone.

28. The most important things, each person must do for themselves.

29. Love is not enough, but it sure helps.

30. We have only ourselves, and one another. That may not be much, but that's all there is.

31. How strange, that so often, it all seems worth it.

32. We must live with the ambiguity of partial freedom,
partial power and partial knowledge.

33. All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data.

34. Yet we are responsible for everything we do.

35. No excuses will be accepted.

36. You can run, but you can't hide.

37. It is most important to run out of scapegoats.

38. We must learn the power of living with our helplessness.

39. The only victory, lies in surrender to oneself.

40. All of the significant battles are waged within yourself.

41. You are free to do whatever you like. You need only face the consequences.

42. What do you know……..for sure……….. anyway?

43. Learn to forgive yourself, again and again and again and again.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

And then I thought about you

I took a trip on a train and I thought about you.
I passed a shadowy lane and I thought about you.
Two or three cars parked under the stars a winding stream.
Moon shining down on some little town
And with each beam the same old dream.

And every stop that we made I thought about you.
And when I pulled down the shade then I really felt blue.
I peeked through the crack and looked at the track,
The one going back to you and what did I do?
I thought about you.

About this time a year ago I let someone go out of my life, someone I had carried in my heart for time out of mind, someone I thought deeply about and hoped for and wished on. I had given them a lot of influence and power with all of this and when it finally became heartbreakingly obvious even to me that I was greatly mistaken about most everything I reclaimed myself and closed the door to further trespass, ending the relationship.

Time has passed and in that time I have found I missed my old friend, the companion of my heart, very much. I've had days I wept about it all and wide-awake nights I longed for my used to be and I've wondered more than once if I made the wrong choice.

From the vantage point of a year later I realize I did all the heavy lifting. I carried that relationship through everything, sustained it through good and bad and then bad and worse and then so horrible that finally I couldn't carry it any further.

I understand that what I have missed was illusion, the belief that brought me through all the years of toting that heavy load, what I thought I saw and what I felt. Most of all it was not so much about what it was as it was about what I wanted. That reality is not so pretty and I acknowledge my part in my own self-deception.

Today I let go that final vestige of foolishness and sadness and I stop feeling bad for my loss. Today I know I didn't lose anything at all.

I hope I have gained some better comprehension of the human condition and greater understanding of what brings people into your life . . . and why sometimes it's not appropriate for them to stay.

There were two or three cars parked under the stars...
a windin' stream.
Moon shining down on some little town
And with each beam the same old dream.

And then I peeked through the crack and I looked at that track,
The one going back to you, and what did I do...
I thought about you.